Domestic Violence 101

The Cycle of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is not just a one-time incident, but a pattern of behaviors over time. Most abusive relationships follow a cycle of violence, which has three stages: tension-building, explosive incident and honeymoon stage. The lengths of each stage can vary from seconds to years. 

Tension-building phase

During this phase, warning signs of abuse begin to appear. They may repeat or they may change each time. 

  • Arguments are more frequent.

  • The abuser yells at the victim for no apparent reason. 

  • The abuser falsely accuses the victim of sleeping around, flirting with other people, cheating. 

The victim feels as if they can’t do anything right. They are afraid anything they do or say may make the situation worse.

Abusive phase

Whether it’s mental, physical or sexual abuse, there’s always an intense outburst.

  • The abuser threatens the victim with physical violence.

  • The abuser hits, grabs, shoves, kicks or otherwise physically attacks the victim.

  • The abuser screams and yells violently.

  • The abuser throws objects across the room.

  • The abuser injures a family pet.

  • The abuser rapes or sexually assaults the victim.

Honeymoon phase

During this phase, the abuser tries to justify or minimize the abuse. They may treat the victim with extreme kindness as they attempt to make up for the attack and try to keep the victim from fleeing. The abuser may also try to make the victim feel responsible for the abuse so they will not blame the abuser or press charges.

  • The abuser apologizes and promises that it will never happen again. 

  • The abuser tells the victim they love them.

  • The abuser showers the victim with gifts like flowers or jewelry. 

  • The abuser tries to justify or minimize the abuse, often blaming the victim. Common phrases include: "you made me do it", "it was only a little slap, I didn’t really hurt you" and "you know that always makes me angry".

These three phases repeat in cycles. Over time, the tension-building phase becomes shorter, the abuse phase becomes more violent and dangerous, and the honeymoon phase becomes increasingly shorter.  

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

The potential for domestic violence is not always easy to recognize but there are red flags to look for. Beware if the person:

  • repeatedly lies to you and breaks promises.

  • withholds affection to gain power over you.

  • shows extreme jealousy and tries to keep you from family, friends or interests.

  • insults or puts you down.

  • violates your privacy by going through your possessions without permission.

  • threatens you.

  • tries to control how you dress, where you go, what you eat, what you do, etc.

Beyond warning signs, domestic violence exists when the person:

  • attempts to cause you pain or injury.

  • punches, kicks, shakes, slaps or restrains you.

  • attacks you with a weapon or thrown objects.

  • forces their attention on you, either verbally or physically.

  • sexually abuses you.

  • injures or threatens to injure your children.

  • injures or threatens to injure the family pet.

22%

of individuals are assaulted by a partner at least once in their lifetime. (23% for females and 19.3% for males)

Elder abuse

is a form of domestic violence. Incidents of physical, sexual, emotional and financial abuse are on the rise.

Facts About Domestic Violence

Abuse isn’t always physical

It can be verbal, mental or emotional, impacting the survivor’s freedom and quality of life.

Children

in an abusive household are affected by domestic and sexual violence, even if they are not physical victims of the abuse.

Alcohol and drugs

do not cause domestic violence. They can, however, affect good judgment which can lead to abuse. Statistics show one third of batterers do not drink or do drugs.

Animal abuse

or the threat of injuring a family pet, is one way abusers gain control over their victims. An estimated 88% of pets living in households with domestic abuse are either abused or killed. 

Sexual abuse

is a kind of domestic violence. It ranges from sexual assault to harassment to exploitation.

Human trafficking

is real. It is the world’s third largest—and fastest growing—criminal industry.

To learn more about intimate partner violence, please visit the CDC’s Fast Facts: Preventing Intimate Partner Violence.

Sources:

1. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence NCCADV, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Crime in the United States, 2015 and The Office of Victims of Crime.
2. https://ncadv.org/statistics
3. https:// ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2015/crime-in-the-u.s.-2015/tables/ expanded_homicide_data_table_10_murder_circumstances_by_ relationship_2015.xls
4. https://ovc.ncjrs.gov/ncvrw2018/info_flyers/fact_sheets/2018NCVRW_IPV_508_QC.pdf